11.5.08 - Word Count 6476

After helping me bathe and get dressed, Louise wheeled me into the activity room and over to the table where I usually sat, looking out the window or putting together a puzzle. “I’ll be back in an hour, Miss Carrie. Try to keep all the beverages on the table, okay?” She called over her shoulder as she walked away.

“Funny. That’s just great.” I looked out at the grounds of the center. The maple trees had just passed their peak of autumn color and were beginning to fall to the ground, creating drifts of orange and red and yellow on the neatly trimmed grass. Doctors and nurses, aides and patients were walking through the grounds, looking for a sunny spot to take the chill out of the air and enjoy a few minutes outside. I made a mental note to ask Louise to take me for a walk today. It had been over a week since I had been outside.

“Ooh!” A woman’s voice cried out in alarm. I turned in the direction of the sound and saw the old woman there – Emmeline Wilson. She was standing in front of the seat she normally took by the fireplace, wringing her hands and looking down at the chair in confusion. The only other person in the room was an old man who had never looked up from his lap in the time I had been in the center. With no small amount of effort, I turned my chair and wheeled up to her.

“Are you okay? Do you need a nurse?” I asked.

She lifted her head and looked at me, those pale blue eyes rimmed with tears. “My goodness, no. I don’t need a nurse. What is wrong with you? Why would I need a nurse? I’m perfectly fine. “ She looked back at the chair, then returned her gaze to me. “I was just getting tired of waiting for you. Had to employ a little subterfuge.” She giggled and shuffled over to the chair, lowering herself down in the same careful way she always did.

I sat there stunned for a moment. She had baited me.

I liked her.

I rolled up and maneuvered my chair so that I could sit facing her. “Okay. So what is it that you want to talk to me about?”

“I don’t know. I just want to talk to you. You seem so lonely. I’m rather lonely. I thought maybe we could keep each other company for a while. I’m Emmeline Wilson, but you may call me Emmey. “ She reached out her slight hand and I took it. It was cool and soft, so finely wrought it looked sculpted, covered in the pale, wrinkled skin of a very old woman.

“I’m Carrie McCarthy.”

“Oh, yes, dear. I know. Everyone here knows who you are. Why, you were on the news all the time before you came here. Not that I watch the news, but everyone talked about you. Carrie McCarthy has a new CD out. Have you heard about Carrie McCarthy and her latest boyfriend? Is that really all her hair? You’d think they could find something else to talk about every now and then.” She smiled in her enigmatic way and turned her head toward the fireplace.

She seemed lost in thought for a moment, then turned back toward me and said, “You know. Time passes very slowly when you don’t know who you are.”

“You said that to me the first day I saw you.”

“Did I? Well. I guess I wanted you to know that, didn’t I?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Carrie, sometimes I don’t know who I am. Or where I am. There are days when I can’t remember a single thing that happened the day before. But I can remember the past. I can remember the things that happened to me when I was a young woman. I find it is so odd – for one to know and recognize the loss of memory. It isn’t anything that I ever expected. I start to realize that my mind wants to be 30 again and stay there and that time just ceases to move forward for me on those days. When I was actually 30, time flew by a hundred miles an hour.”

She sighed and shook her head.

“I’m 30. Time gets faster every year. At least it did until I got here. Now it moves at the pace of Louise.”

“That’s because you don’t remember who you are anymore, dear. It’s gotten lost in your mind. My mind is like swiss cheese. Lots of giant holes with little to support them anymore. Today is a good day. I know what I had for breakfast, although that’s a bit of an unfortunate memory. Whoever decided that waffles and scrambled eggs was a good breakfast?” She shuddered.

I laughed. “I skipped breakfast.”

“I heard. News travels fast when you throw a water pitcher at Dr. Fussy’s head.” She threw her head back and laughed delightedly. “I think maybe you have some anger issues, Carrie. Have you thought about talking with Dr. Morris?”

I looked at her witheringly. Great. Was this some kind of set up?

Emmeline laughed again. “I am glad to see that you have not. Dr. Morris is an idiot. She’s a well-educated idiot, but still an idiot.” She pushed herself up to her walker and looked back down at me. “It’s time for my nap, Carrie. I’m heading off to my room.”

“Oh! Oh. I thought we’d be able to talk today.” I suddenly didn’t want her to go.

“We have been talking, girl. What did you expect? I’m no oracle. I can’t help you figure anything out. I just want to be your friend. Do you have anyone coming to visit tomorrow?” She smiled kindly at me.

“No. There’s no one that would come.”

“Me neither. They’re all dead. That’s the problem with living to be 90. It’s easy to outlive everyone else. Let’s meet here while visitation is going on. We can talk more then.” She began to move toward the door. “Goodbye, Carrie. I hope the rest of your day continues without any more thrown pitchers.” She winked at me and shuffled off to her room.